i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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