I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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