I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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