he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
