So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
