I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
