A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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