I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
