Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
