google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
