So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize