i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
