my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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