saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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