Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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