I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
3 2 1 whiskey
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
