josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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