My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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