roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im holly from the hills drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
