i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
