My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
