im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
