I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
