U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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