so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
honey bunches of taint.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
