I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
