Pappa wants mamma naked
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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