so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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