btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize