He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
