maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
