The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
