Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize