where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
