you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
