my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
