I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i have two assholes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
