u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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