if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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