Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
