Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize