there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
