I heard we made out
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
