3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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