now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
