Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
