I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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