I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
