just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize