This is not my ceiling
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
