I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize