Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
