I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
