It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize