I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
