Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
