now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
