Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
