He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize