i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
