Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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