i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
