she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
