i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
