So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
