so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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