Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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