So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Houston, we have a blender
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
