Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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