Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
