We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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