you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
