I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
