brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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