some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
