Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
