there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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