and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize