turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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