I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
