Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
