Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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