im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
