your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
