It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
