hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
