Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
