I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
