Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
