Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
