Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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