I CAN MOONWALK!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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