How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
