She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
