Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
