I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
