So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
