I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
