Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
