Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
