hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
