about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
