Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
