I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
