Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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