And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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