i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
