i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize