then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
