I'm so fucking centered right now
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
