he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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